This may not be the right place for a tribute to a chick that only lived 6 weeks. But I had such a strong reaction to dear Blue's death, and I had to write it out. I thought it might speak to others as well.
To Blue (a Fledge Watch Lament)
Our lives intersected only briefly. I approached and you backed away, showing me your talons. You could not know I was there to help. I was just another big scary thing in an hour of scary things. I held your attention as your eyes, keel, wings and legs were checked. You were perfect. Not a single flaw. I held the box open while you were placed inside and closed it around you so we could carry you to safety.
It was a joy to watch as you stood on the roof, your beautiful brown sails unfurled and flapping, your tawny breast feathers ruffling in the breeze as you hissed defiance at us. One day later, it was a joy to watch those sails carry you faultlessly through the air and to the highest point you could see. It was a joy again two days later to watch you spring into the air and soar confidently over a rooftop. How could I know?
I saw the man cross the street, his arms held out, cradling your body. I thought how curiously still you were. He should be careful, you might bite and scratch as you did on your banding day. He approached and held you out to me, and still I would not let myself comprehend. I had just seen you. You were fine.
I cradled you against me, and stroked your silky feathers, and saw the thin blue membranes covering your eyes, felt the limpness as you lay on my arm. And my knees went limp. “No,” I whispered. “No.” But it was you, and nothing could bring you back. You never knew what happened. You flew around a corner and sailed forward into what you saw as a blue sky. You didn’t suffer an instant of pain; you were gone before you fell. Maybe you are still flying into that blue sky you saw, joyously playing talon tag and catch-the-tail-feather with the other young falcons that left us too soon. I hope so. I will see you that way in my mind.
I held you in my arms, and touched my fingers to my lips and pressed a kiss lightly on your head as I whispered, “I’m glad you got the chance to fly, little one. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. Sleep tight, dear Blue.” As gently as I could, I wrapped your too still body, and laid it with care in its temporary resting place. One last pat across your wings, one moment more to take one last look, then I stood, quietly closed the door, and walked back outside.
As a fledge watcher, you know you can’t save them all. You know you are going to have your heart broken over and over again. But you also know that while you stand watch at a fledging nest, each young falcon has a better chance to survive than if you weren’t there. So you love them all anyway, and when they fall you let your heart break and you cry for them. Then you stand up straight and turn your eyes to the sky and keep watching. Because you can’t save them all, but you sure by golly can save some.
Fly high, sweet Blue
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